Fixing the Wrong Expression of Love

Everyone has vulnerabilities. One day, time passed by without realization and I found that I was weak.

It was after my marriage that I found I was fragile. I think I liked my husband a lot during our honeymoon. After the honeymoon, I noticed that I kept calling my husband's office. Once upon a time, my husband’s office secretaries, who were all girls, received all of the phone calls to the office and transferred them around. My heart poured out because I was afraid that my husband would be embarrassed by the phone calls he often received from me. I couldn't stand the fact that all of the secretaries were girls.

I also called my daughter who was in college and who had lived in the dormitory for a long time. I thought my daughter would be stressed with me, but I noticed  myself talking on the phone with different people for a long time. I often also called my daughter-in-law, because I was educating her about the beginning of her marriage. Later, I made more calls because I wanted to see my grandchildren. I thought about how stressed I would be if my mother-in-law called me on the phone, but I used to call so often because I was excited to hear from my grandchildren. I found that as I called my close friend and my closest family members, my voice got louder and louder as I grew more and more excited.

There are a lot of talkers around me, like me. For example, one of those talkers is a friend of mine who has children that also live far away from her and her American husband. So when she calls me, it lasts a long time too. I feel sorry for her, but I could understand her lonely heart. How lonely it must feel if there is no one to talk to.

I tried to fix the habit of making so many phone calls by a lot of means and methods. Eventually, I deleted my contact list, so as not to make more calls to my friends or family. With this, I tried not to call anyone again. That's because I thought I wouldn't bother the people I loved by calling them. I thought about a different solution a while ago. Since the Holy Spirit is in me, why don’t I pray for overcoming that weakness? “It is the surrender of the Lord. I can't fix myself from this vulnerability. Lord, please fix it.” The long fight in my heart is over, and I finally have some rest in my heart. I talked to my husband, daughter, and daughter-in-law on the phone and I can laugh now.

Wanting to talk to someone you love is normal, but in some cases it can be too much for them or for you.